i've now been laughing at this comment for way too long because i totally appreciate it and am a super nerd:

Is there a sanitary place to have sex in a lab?

This really never comes up, probably because labs are continually staffed with bleary-eyed graduate students spinning cells at odd hours. Hypothetically? Plenty of places are kept clean, but you’ll likely contaminate someone’s experiments if you arrange yourself on the bench. It’s a squeeze, but you might try the autoclave. There’s nowhere cleaner, and it brings new meaning to “steamy.”