well, woooo! great weekend!...no really. right now i'm just mixed up like a bad martini. i can't decide if i'm about to cry, break someone, break myself on a wall or do something else rash, but maybe i'll just sit here with a beer and try to salvage a night. i almost just want to go off into the middle of nowhere for a while. things like this affect me. especially when i see my friends in as much pain as i have lately. i wrote a poem, for all of you who need filled in on this...read that. it's like you just want to rip open your chest and let the world diffuse into you so that you feel something consistent. i want a consistent feeling of something, anything, nothing, right now. i don't care which it is, i just want to feel balanced for a little while. but now it's all over and i just need to relax and let it go. i've had a roller coaster day. my car is now a little more powerful and efficient, a minor matter to say the least, but she's even more fun to drive now. i really like lemurs, they're really cute. oh, and there was this little armadillo in the nocturnal exhibit in the woodland park zoo that had a little nascar style circuit worn into his cage. it was so cute. he just zipped around his track on his little legs. but he was moving his legs so fast he just looked like he was floating around his little track. but his little tail bobbed a little. it was so cute, i just sat and watched him for a few minutes, sara trying to get me to move on so the little kids could get a spot the whole time. i do love that girl. she's just amazing. and she works so hard with me to make sure we stay vital. and she totally just compared me to a bonobo, lol. anyway, i'm going to go, this has helped me just vent like crazy and get feeling a touch better. sorry if i depressed anyone. i'll take you out to enjoy the sun sometimes to make it up to you.