you want to know me better? here's a big part of my past

you always used to try to get your way, you were just stubborn we'd say. but then you turned slowly to hitting, destroying, mauling with a demon in your eye. nothing could control you. you raged and raged until you burnt yourself into blackness. and the darkness there scared you so you came back. but you always wanted more fire, more rage. you always wanted the power. and nothing we could do would make you come back. so we sent you away. and we cried. and we searched within ourselves to see if what we did was right. we didn't know. we weren't sure. we let you come back. but soon your door was splintered and your face was contorted again. so we sent you away a second time. you fooled with the phychiatrists, those simple men who depend on dependence on drugging. and you played with them like toys and it made you happy. you were the master, they the pawns on the board to be disposed of as you would. and you were happy. but then they said you were fine. you came home, you went back and we were torn and tortured. we couldn't find our souls' peace in it all. did we do this? was this all some fault of ours? we couldn't know the answer. they sent home again and they took you back again and again. we frayed and our bodies betrayed us. my mind would cloud and i couldn't see, i would vomit and my temples would burn and split. all because i worried about you so. and this continued while you were sick. and while you moved from house to house, always unhappy and always unsettled. and i am sad as i fathom these depths i've sought so hard to cover and drown, to bury forever. but at least you're now better. we may never live together again nor see much of each other, but you won't do this to anyone else. for that my heart is glad and all my hardships seem to fade into nothingness. i took that pain and i worked through it time and time again so that this day would come. my parents and my sister, as well. the day when matthew, my brother, would make progress and control himself and break his addiction to rage.