another christmas

The snow is falling slowly
looping through downward path
the streets are full to brimming,
people rush by as i walk past.
and yet i feel like time is crawling
like time can't move too fast
and i can't get excited like i used to about holidays.

It seems every year this comes along
a reminder of what is lost among
dates and times and months and a year.

i realize i'm lost as well.
i'm trapped within each time,
days will fly to no avail the month still longer looms
another year gone without you,
but i will see you soon.
Oh God i'll see you soon.

you're the reason i'm trying so hard,
the reason i still care,
because with each effort i make you proud
with each i draw more near...
but it feels like it's not enough
like i'll never quite break free.

As i grow daily older,
I hate the things that made me laugh
for they're now trite and meaningless.

In this happy time i am alone
I am without my love.
as my room is laid more bare,
the feeling of home fades.
the decorum disappears
to reflect the space within

what is home without you?
i'm like an empty home sometimes.
a shell with purpose stripped.

how can my pain taint this time?

We have but a few precious days
And then I learn how to be alone
Once more to spend christmas alone
Once more to pine for you.
As soon as it comes our time has past.
Alas so quickly it's escaped!
And as you fade from my mind
I am less.

I know the bed as it weaves through my mind
I feel the feathers marking me,
lightly, barely they pierce my back.
the pricks mere caresses of memory.