first, go listen to the hilarious 911 call from an officer who got paranoid after eating a bag of pot in brownie form. restores my faith in our drug policies...
second, i'm back in the fold for a while again. how long? God only knows and i don't think he's real. so please do enjoy the little shot of myself, humble and lost and wrong as i may be.
it's pride weekend here in seattle and if i were of a stronger constitution i might go have a one night stand with some guy. i've decided i want to know every possible sexual experience at least once. experiment and see what i like, or something like that. since i've got my one life i may as well enjoy the fuck out of it!
i'm also trying to reconnect with the world i lost over the past six months to a year. i am engaging my friends again, you included, and trying to appreciate everyone more than i ever did before.
i'm not lying to anyone anymore ever. if you want the truth you need not have an "honesty box" nor anything anonymous. i will sign my name to my opinions. so ask away if you have any questions of me. mostly i found that the moment i stopped telling the whole truth part of my died away. i want it back and i want it to stay so i am remedying the situation.
not much deep thought this week, mostly just thoughts of the nature of being alone for the first time in my life. it's really an odd feeling, as i'm sure you all know. nothing in this life is so scary nor so necessary as finding the joy in being alone. i am working at it but at this point am merely optimistically terrified of the whole idea of it.
may my strength and self hold out until the silver lining arrives!
i'll be doing the rounds now and saying my hellos to you all. good day!

progress is a false idol

this world we have created is beautiful in such an unnatural way. it has everything to do with how beautiful a jet looks streaking past an industrial crane. 30,000 feet up and angular, bone white steel make such an impression on the heart. but at what cost?
last week i had the pleasure of getting outside and visiting the zuni reservation in north-eastern new mexico. there are few, if any, pictures. i don't need their aid to remember those things that made their impression on me.
high on an arid mesa we found the stones that form the foundation of a traditional pit house, earliest of the pueblo revolution. everywhere there were pieces of people- curved cranial bones, fragments of tibia or humerus, fingers- pieces of people's lives- pot sherds, former fields- and nothing living anymore. why? because the rains dried up as the earth became warmer after the dark ages, most likely.
The other thing that strikes you about being out with a zuni is how little they care for this world's materials. everything they have serves a purpose and they have precious little extra. still, i have seen something you do not see much of in our modern world: sacrifice is a daily occurance to these people. Tim Edaakie gave me part of his livelihood, a small silver pendant with stone inlay. He is the third generation in his family to be a silversmith, at the very least. his grandparents are world renowned for their pieces of birds. they shape every stone by hand, sometimes to the thickness of a pencil lead. amazing.
they gave us salt. they gave us bread. they gave us mint. they gave us time. they gave us knowledge. they gave us what they could, because we were friends and guests. i gave thanks in return and the promise to do the same if they came to seattle. they showed little interest.
they are happy with who they are and what they do. the injection of western culture has done little to change their ways and worldview. it begs the question, why are they so happy and we so sad?
our buying power has doubled in the past 50 years, perhaps increased even more, but we are not any happier than we began. in fact, the percentage of americans who describe themselves as very unhappy has increased steadily. so why do we continue to consume?
i'll restate the point because it is very important. why, if money and things can't make us happy, do we focus on them so intently?
the other reality that we must face is the fact that this conspicuous consumption must come to an end for the sake of future generations and my own. there is a tide of retirees coming, they are coming fast, and they are going to tax the reserves of federal money to no end.
but i digress. there is only so much space here and you have only so much patience. so let's get back to the main channel of my thoughts for this blog, shall we?
everything a man can come to understand he will come to understand in himself. to fully know himself he must have nature. not only is this necessary for him to know himself but also to know his thoughts. it is sad to see the natural world paved, the air quality degraded, and the water polluted not because these pollutions and bastardizations are borne by my body but because they are truly born by my children! my children and yours will suffer greatly because we are failing them now! no power will forgive us now for wasting their health and wellbeing for our own sloth and ease.
so, i urge you to speak to your representatives, to your presidential candidate and your neighbors. show them that there is no use for a house without a tolerable planet to put it on. the truth is everywhere around you, just look at the stars.