they had been defected and excommunicated
and all the pulses were subverted
and they made sure the obituaries
showed pictures of smoke stacks

a vivid dissection that mocked
the strut of vivisection
semi-automatic colonies
and a silencing that still walks the streets

if you know who that is you rock!!! if not(i'm looking j'taime's way...go get 'relationship of command' be the best 15 bucks you've spent in a long time). it's one of the few albums i regarded highly enough to replace after my collection was stolen five or so years ago. i can't believe it's been that long but evidently it has been...living's been boring lately even though i'm stressed to the max. 6 days of classes left now. and still 4 finals and 2 papers to go. yay! i'd better go get on that. ciao.

in this post i will inform you as to what i think is the best part of my class for which this blog is occasionally put to use. i think the best part was the artwork showed in the book. it's awesome. it's new and different and i've enjoyed it most thoroughly. i particularly enjoyed the artwork by those asian masters that we saw back a few chapters ago. i especially enjoyed the 'swallow and water lily' piece. the clean, simple lines and the expert use of negative space yielded an uncluttered, natural experience.

welcome to my small corner of the universe

i'm starting to realize that people don't read my blog. yeas, after all these long months i've finally found out! and somehow that makes me less lonely. i can't explain it. it's like my own little diary for myself and a few friends only. i'm letting off a wry little smile now. perhaps am i not pop-culture enough? because i'd like to think it's refreshing, taking the flattering view of myself, of course. maybe i'm just a little Schopenhaeur or Kant. a bit like espresso, too bitter for the normal person to put themselves through. but still the opiate of the elite few...still the true coffe-drinker's drink. no half-caf, skinny, flat, naked, extra hot, half-the-chocolate mochas here! This is for those who know the difference! haha, i feel better still! time to go play at the frisbee!

The Devil is Beating His Wife

is that not the funniest name for when it's raining and sunny at the same time? ever? i think it's hilarious. i almost busted a gut the first time i saw it. lol. and evidently if i were a dog i'd be a husky puppy(affectionate, energetic and good until i see a squirrel then it's kill! kill! kill!!). at least i got a cute breed, not some ugly prune dog or a rat dog or anything. i just took about 14,000 quizes for fun last night and learned the worthless opinions of other people about who i am and what i am and what my life is like and what kind of friend i am in 10 questions or less. it's fun to laugh at them. but the best of the bullshit were my irish name, Baugh O'Keefe, my rock star name, Chocolate Ferrari, and my punk rock band name, The Happy Jib. The Happy Jib!!!HAHAHAHAHAHA. this just puts me in such a good mood. i feel like urr when he makes fun of one of the frat aliens, Zarnold. "What the fuck kind of name is ZARNOLD?!?!?HAHAHAHA, ZARNOLD!!!!" then he falls over from laughing too much. "Stick with the patch, Urr." and that's all i have to say, nothing relevant except the fact that in between my laughter i'm feeling desperately lonely. yeah, i know how to bring down a mood better than stalin knew how to kill a man with a piece of paper or other pulpy item. but yeah, i just can't get over the feeling that i'm completely alone right now and i can't tell what from. i just keep crashing through my days like a distracted rhino and completely disregard everything other than the single date that matters to me: 6-20, two months from today, happiness

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it seem like all i do anymore is blog!
"in traditional fighting, that with spears, clubs, knives and hands, force is usually not the issue. mass, posture, facial expressions and physical actions usually decide any altercation before blows can be exchanged. this practice is known as the exchange of appeasment signals."

"But since we've invented better weapons with longer ranges and more accuracy that can kill over longer distances...HOW is the ENEMY supposed to see my APPEASMENT SIGNALS?!?!?!"

hehe, i love music and burning cds. yay woohoo. and the guitar solo on "in concert" by the doors on the track "five to one" is almost as good as an orgasm. omg. i have an eargasm every damn time i hear it. amazing. it's super bluesy but definitely brilliant in a new way. omg. go get it now!

there's a salt-water film on the camera lashes

i've decided not to sleep. i really should owing to the fact taht i need to be up in about six hours. but i'm sitting here being an internet whore. badness. so i figured i'd let everyone know. that's pretty much all i have other than a bit of a full stomach. pho and chips with salsa...great day of dining out here! anyway, i'll try harder next time promise...

what we need is a superweapon

to dwarf all others. then our entire PLANET will be safe. from everyone but us... did you ever realize how completely idiotic human beings are in large groups? take the atom bomb, for instance. the power to kill 300,000 people at a time wasn't enough for us Americans, we had to have the ability to kill entire metropolitan areas and the surrounding country-side for 30 miles. who came up with this brilliant plan?!? seriously. if we didn't have them the USSR wouldn't have needed them and then if we hadn't needed an H bomb then they wouldn't have needed one, either. and yet, here we are spending a proposed $10.3 billion on our missile defense system that has yet to work consistently in the past decade of pouring similar sums of money into it...anyone else think it's a fucking stupid idea to defend against ICBMs when all anyone needs to kill thousands of us is a plane? anyone?!? i think it's stupid. so yeah, our ability to wipe out our own existence scares me when it's in the hands of people like Bush, bin Laden, Chirac, Putin, and mostly all those fringe dictatorships that really, really don't need them at all. Why are we so damned stupid sometimes? Why don't we spend that money we're wasting on paying off the debt? which is at a record high at something like $6-7 trillion and climbing. and what about these 'tax cuts' that have resulted in all of my friends having to PAY taxes when they're below the poverty line?!?!?! damn it!!! can't anyone be nice to the folks who don't have millions upon millions of dollars? and that brings up my final rant, i swear it, the tax code. isn't there something wrong when lawyers who specialize in taxes can't even take on the entire tax code, only a small part of it? criminal lawyers can handle a vast array of cases but tax lawyers can't even handle half the code. and a book of taxes 5 inches thick has way too many loopholes. why aren't we at the point of re-implimenting a flat tax? then you don't even really need much of a tax code. have dependents? have donations? ok, take those off and that's it. baaaaa!!! i think i'm going to go explode my blood vessels in peace now.

All of Life is the Search for the Abesse of Pain

Yeah, i said it! lol. i am halfway done with my hw for tonight, 4 pages later. i still need to read a bunch and write another three pages, but i'll be fine it's not as daunting as it was an hour ago. so life is great. but now, i'm going to go home and start on my research paper. i'm going to try to use something like 10 sources. i'm turning into a source nerd supreme. this isn't even my heaviest source load this semester. my paper is going to be fantastic, though. all is well but i'm tired and really, really want to read more in Probability Space. i started this series about a week ago and even despite all my other commitments i've read over 750 pages in it so far. i've got a few hundred to go before it's done. it's like the harry potter series, i read every one that has come out so far in about 2 weeks. i can really plow through texts because i sacrifice my sleep for them. probably a bad plan but it's my only plan. alright, see you all soon and go listen to some Gloria versions. vale.

Two years! i've been with someone two years. i, the king of flaky, i the definition of someone who shouldn't be able to do it. my focus flits to a different thing every week or two, i'm intense and learn most of what there is to know about that one thing and move on. this is why i'm a good learner and a terrible student at the same time. but two years! i think it's because i have the best girlfriend ever! ever. not only someone who helps me focus on what's really important in my life but someone who can hold pace with me in the sciences, perhaps even outpace me, to be honest. someone who appreciates my writing even as she mentions that it isn't the best career even if it is fun and a good fit for me. same with the music, even though i'm not nearly as good at that, lol. i can only play percussion and sing like a siren. she's just the stability where i am the fluidity. it's great, amazing, superb as a pairing. we both make each other reach a little bit. i am a better person than last year and even better than the year before that. and she's taught me that girls aren't out to hurt me. after helen that was very hard to believe, let me assure youof that, pants hernandez. not to mention the fact that she is absolutely lovely, dazzling, stunning, any other word for absolutely gorgeous. and she has a cute laugh.

so i am completely tired of doing the class blogs. they're total crap most of the time. i don't know, i'm going to go do one of them now but i don't like it nor do i want to. i'd rather cut off my left ring finger with my chef's knife. but yeah, what did i like about chapter 19? i think it was 19. and i loved the fact that the artwork by the northern masters has a lineage coming down to us in some surrealist pieces. it was much more creative and real than the italian masters. there was no formula that dictated how you should paint in the north, unlike the south. The painter that i really enjoyed the most was Bosch. His triptych, on the Christian life, was an amazing abstraction of the world. Its execution was solid and high quality. His life, as his work, is based on unknown influences. his work was a mixture of conservative and reformist tendencies, a common conflict in his time. the Reformation caused widespread instability and allowed for Bosch, a heretical painter, to do work on church altar-pieces. In his works he satirizes the church and its doctrines. Bosch suggests corruption in the church insidiously, for "as one looks at the entire picture, one notices nuns scrambling about frantically collecting hay into their bags. A nun in the foreground is making advances toward a musician." He is an innovative artist and worked hard to convey his deep meanings subtly in the works. His vibrant colors, abstraction and general good taste result in paintings that are pleasing to the eye even if they are deeply disconcerting when actually examined.

Renaissance questions

I really want to know more about what was happening in the Orient during the Renaissance in Europe. I have found that the text and this class really only address Western culture seriously and would like to know what was going on everywhere else. Also, was this period the start of this idea that Western thought was superior to any other? or did that come during another age, such as the age of exploration?

Upon the Anticipation of Christmas, 2004

sometimes things go well and sometimes not. i have reached this full realization after yet another cycle through my own relationship with sara for the latest time of many that i always manage to forget. it's amazing how quickly you can forget such an important lesson and have to relearn it again. i ran across this little entry when i was posting my latest poem yesterday and thought about it and loved it more than when i wrote it. it's like that learning process condensed into one pure statement:
i'm not sure if i can be the pillar anymore. these little tests are always so painful. maybe this is why people stay single forever. it's easier than caring so much for someone and still failing them, still bursting through the surface of their cool facade into the fires that are them at their very core. that is an inferno at once both exquisite and imperfect. it's like having the most beautiful diamond in front of you with a small speck of coal in the very center. there is always something you aren't sure you can deal with about a person. even when you find one and accept it you find another that tests you just a bit more, it seems. but then, lying there next to her i realized that there are so many reasons why we humans always do this. i am absolutely and completely at ease when i'm with her, quietly enjoying the warmth and the silent grace of every little murmered word, every divine curve of soft skin, every breath, every moment spent in the absense of the world at large. i love feeling like i'm right where i am supposed to be. knowing that even though i am an utterly imperfect creature she still wants me, still accepts me, still loves that i'm imperfect. i'm always proud just to have her with me, i did nothing to deserve it. i'm very sure that i'm enjoying each teaspoonful, even if i can't tell you that for sure right now.(and i am convinced that each moment that i am with her is well spent and that each moment away is the purest torment i can ever feel.)

Bioenergetics is my drug of choice

I bought some rock star ashes from the back of rolling stone. but they don't seem to help me i'm still out here on my own. the tiger in my tank is going to go extinct and i'm not feelin so good myself, i think i'm on the brink of disaster!

another wind ghoul today. and last night, holy crap! it was to the point where you couldn't even drive straight. gusts were easily over 60 and probably got up to 70 or 80 on a number of occassions. i love the mountains! i'm now officially putting off doing anything. i just don't care. i've got a book at home i'm itching to finish- under 100 pages to go. And we've got some nebulous project due in english next week. i don't even really understand what's supposed to be going on. i have to inform my character, Roderigo from Othello, and he has to be a homophobic bastard. how do you get sources on how to be a homophobe? isn't that just a natural reaction for some people and not others? so i'm searching google for "prejudice and homosexuality" to see if i turn anything up. so far government studies. i don't like government studies, they're all bias and almost no real data about 80% of the time. but i do need to go do them...yeah. maybe feeling alone is making me not care... i know that all that really matters right now is that i don't have sara and that i can't wait until june. that's my life in a nutshell. oh! and i went and picked up my astro chart today, nothing amazing but a lot that makes sense so far. i'm only on page nine. it's great. i've also gotten some neroli to help bring me down to the perfect state of relaxation for true enjoyment of meditation and also to open up my mind to the vibrations of the universe. more on that later on...