i'm tired. i'm sick. i'm ready for this whole show to be over and out of the ring. i want it to be two weeks from tomorrow now so i can be on a flight out of here. and damn do i want finals to never come. so yeah, that's where i'm at right now and it ain't gonna get any better. so yeah, i just posted about three different poem ideas i've had, i'm not sure if i'll explore them more, maybe i will. it's just a matter of me not having any time for anything right now. sucks. at least i'm still writing down ideas. i'm still pretty bitter but i'm trying to add a bit of humor where it feels appropriate. i'm still coughing...i'm onto virus number two and i've been sick for a week and a half. yeah, there's my bitch plug against viruses. i can't wait to have them sequenced so we can obliterate strains from the planet with a few enzymes or restriction proteins. can't wait. i'm a fairly sickly person. this isn't necessarily a new thing but it's within the past few years that this has happened. i think since i got mono my junior year, basically. so...working on four years...but ever since then my immune system just doesn't work like it should. and school doesn't help, the stress kicks my little ass. so yeah, woooo. i'm going to go now, i'm tired, i'm sick, i'm going home to rest. yay life!

Brendan is somewhat egotistical, but in a false and funny way. all i gotta say right now, lol. and i know that half of you don't even care about who that is, but the other half does. Tuesday just came to the realization that we all bitch for at least 33.33% of our blogging life. i have to admit it. maybe we americans are made up of 33.33% bitch and 66.66% american dream. some people, like michael moore are more like 96.78% bitch. and some, like tony little are 13.48% bitch and the rest bad ass. it happens. what bitch percentage are you? i'm sitting at about 48.6% bitch but it's coming down...i swear.

so, hahahaha, i'm going to go ahead and blog really quickly before i go work on my portfolio. i hope everyone is doing well. about to enjoy some well deserved time to yourselves and all. i'm sore. hella sore. only one person who reads that will understand who i'm making fun of with that...i'm also posting a poem about her tomorrow or the next day, just so you all can anticipate it. haha, i know you really aren't. let's just say i like it, it has a stronger meter than i usually hold myself to. so yeah, happy days are here again! i've lost all my fear again! even though i may soon die at the hands of a ruthless thai. haha, i just said that because it rhymed. but yeah, i'm happy that i'm almost halfway through this week from hell. life will be great after next monday. so perfectly happy and great and yay. but until then i'm going to be stressing in a bad way. so yeah, i'm going to go ahead and go work now, i'll talk to you all soon. ciao.

i've seen theology and it is dead

i've posted a new poem, ms.hendrix, lol. just figured i'd let you know where you'll actually see it. have fun.

written upon the occasion of a glitch in the ship

this was written a few weeks ago now. i was just writing to move through my problems on paper. so luckily now i have a record for posterity. so here goes, the anatomy of my thinking after a few fights over a few nights...

I feel...oddly without weight. like this real rift with Sara had to happen. i just wasn't prepared to take such a leap yet. i may not have been happy, but neither was i unhappy in unequal meassure through all this. i'm on the verge of moving on. buth then i can't feel right moving on, either. we've both put far too much into the relationship to quit over this. i think mostly of this problem as, intrisically, based on the distance. it puts such weight on you to be taken but alone. it wears on you slowly. perhaps out faltering here has nothing to do with each other and everything to do with the distance.

so yesterday- just for sara and tuesday there-carolyn, tuesday and i wrote one hell of a dadaist poem. we cut out cool words from the paper and magazines then threw them all into a bag and randomly drew them out. we rolled a die to see how many words we each got to pick and then we could arange them however we wanted and even add them to other phrases already on the page. it was so much fun! i'd propose we do it as a class sometime. since we'll all be reading these things still we can get together after the class is over, lol. how scary would that be? all of us outside of class doing englishy stuff...yeah. almost down to a month left...i'm getting so damned excited. i'm having so much trouble with schoolwork right now. i just can't focus on it. not only am i burning out on school right now but also i'm going to see sara soon! so yeah, i'm forseeing a slacking end to the semester, perhaps...we'll see how it goes. oh! and i made some wicked collages when i was there, too. they're opposing views of humanity, basically. one is very much based in nature and the past and the man is looking forward. the other is based in the present and the man is looking backward. i may follow an idea i had to find a graph with a constant upward trend and then label it "progress toward the ideal man" and have both men looking at it. could be a touch symbolic? probably not. ciao.

so i had a fun weekend. for one thing i finally am hearing about my reps when accelerating. so i'm getting better at pushing anezka to go a bit faster, lol. so yay. and i had a pretty darn good workweek. but by far the biggest news, the happiest for me, is that i'm definitely going to seattle for a very long time in dec. and into jan. it'll be almost three weeks. i can't wait. it's so hard to be sitting here when i'm thinking about that. i'm such a happy boy right now. so yeah, that's the essential great news for the weekend. oh, and i definitely went to a great pho place yesterday. it was amazing. pho 79, it's a ways south of alameda and federal on the right. it's the best pho i've had in the city so far. and i tried the tripe, too. so that was fun, if chewy and kinda like jellyfish tentacles...lol. but yeah, ok, i'm going to go now and just relax for a while. ciao

so yeah, i totally couldn't get onto this thing yesterday. i tried for over half an hour through all the alternative paths i could think of, but no dice. so luckily today it's better. i definitely gave blood yesterday. then i definitely had my first experience with blacking out in the chair as they drained me. i don't really know quite what happened, i think it was the tea that ended up doing it. i felt like i was totally going to puke everywhere and then i started feeling lightheaded. i heard the nurse telling me to keep my eyes open. i didn't follow the direction. i went into some wierd ass dream i can't quite rememeber and woke up completely confused beyond all belief. i heard a lot of talking...well, not quite talking, more sounds that might be considered speech if i had any idea what they were saying. and then things started to come clearer and i couldn't figure out where i was. as i now recall, it was a dream about being in seattle and just waking up there, completely warm and comfortable. so that made this entire experience all the crueler as i woke up only to realize i wasn't waking up warm and in bed in my fav. city but instead i was in a sterile meeting room here at school with cold towels and scrub-clad people saying my name and bustling about. sucked. i had a headache until this morning that's just now starting to go away. but i gave another pint! that's all that really matters about the whole thing, i'm helping someone else.

so i had a decent weekend. i've decided i'm way too excited about my microbes. just had a nice french test and if you speak any let me just say this, it was certainly mechant. accent grave over the e. lol. so yeah, i did feel better prepared for this one even despite not going at all last week, lol. i'm really a bad person. but i slept for 14 or so hours on mon. and then wed. was merely test prep that wasn't going to help me, anyway. so i just stayed home and relaxed and studied and called it good. yeah. i'm going to go ahead and post the hw on here tonight...i've been slacking and haven't transfered it here from my paper. oh well, killing trees needlessly is my job as a student. so i was all ready for voting and then i had to go get more information that has once again thrown my presidential choice into doubt. i feel so trapped this election. on the one hand you have bush, who is very consistent but possibly to a fault, who repressents my views on some issues but not all and who has taken us to war against a country we really didn't need to go into even if it will be good in the long term and even if saddam is gone now. but then you have kerry, who also represents some of my views in that he does consider new information and how it will affect his decisions, who wants stronger domestic policy and who has experience in war bush is sorely lacking in. but then again, he has put aside his morality to succeed in the public arena, if he can do that can he not also put his current views asside just as easily? so i'm not completely sure who i'm voting for there. everything else is locked in, just not that race...perhaps i should fix that tonight, lol... and i totally just finished "that hideous strength" the ending was weak, i thought. but then again he usually seems to build up slowly and wrap the story up quickly. i suppose he's just toying with me as a reader, building me up and making me expect a really great ending and then doing the ending i thought might happen but secretly hoped wouldn't. you know how you think you know the ending but then these twists at the end make the book immensely more pleassurable in hindsight? he didn't do that, lol. he left the ending open because history is still being made and the world is always changing...but it's not very fun for me as the reader, lol. but ok, i'll stop now, just go read the book it's worth every page! and i'll see you all tomorrow, vale